Two weeks ago, I, Led Pipe Larry, let you scumbags get a little peak behind the curtain to see how a genius mind works. I was rewarded for my efforts with eternal consciousness, and a solid 4-1 week. Last week i failed to adequately explain my selections, and i was struck down by karma and some really bad handicapping. Never one to tussle with higher power, I give to you -- with explanations -- this week's winners (public figures courtesy of www.pre-game.com):
Indiana +10 vs. PENN ST: Coming off a 63 point loss, Indiana's likely goal against Penn St is to keep things within the half century mark. The defense, which gave up roughly a touchdown every 3 minutes it was on the field, is so banged up that it has been reported that Damon Bailey has returned to Bloomington to take a few snaps at strong safety. In 13 meetings with the Nitany Lions, Indiana has ZERO wins. 86% of the public sees an ever improving Penn St. blowing out the fighting Bobby Knights. But as a loyal Calbert Cheney fan, I'M TAKING THE HOOSIERS!
WE'RE GETTING A VAN -- me! Joe Buck! Evan Bayh! Kevin Kline! Donald Fehr! Mark Cuban !-- we're driving to D.C., er, suburban Maryland -- Cuban's bringing the beer -- AND WE'RE GOING TO GET RICH! HOOOOOOOSIERS!
Connecticut +4 vs. SYRACUSE: You probably haven't thought about Connecticut since they embarrassed the entire Big East conference by opening the season with a 10-30 shallacking at the hands of Rich Rodriguez. You probably also didn't notice that they lost by two touchdowns to Temple, and were blanketed 26-doughnut by Louisville. Surely you didn't know that they haven't won a single game on the road all season. So it's basically guaranteed that you're joining 66% of the public and taking a resurgent Syracuse team at home against the Huskies. Me, I'm taking UCONN PLUS THE FOUR POINTS PLUS JAKE VOSKUHL'S HAIR! Huskie nation has not been this excited since Meg Ryan debuted in Midsummer Night's Dream and Moby was rocking the Gampel Pavilion. OWWWwwwwwwwwwwww (sound Huskie makes)!
KANSAS +24 vs. Oklahoma St.: In a season in which the Jayhawks have lost 7-55 to Baylor, 7-59 to Kansas State and 10-45 to Texas A&M, losing only 3-6 to North Dakota State actually might be one of Kansas' top three accomplishments. Hey, they kept it close! But keeping it close won't really be an option when OSU comes to town. The Cowboys, which lead the nation in total offense, have posted impressive wins this season over Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Kansas State, Baylor and Texas. 86% of the betting public agree that Oklahoma St. will roll. LPL is laying a big fat one on KANSAS PLUS 24. The Grenada and Bottleneck will be a rockin' down on Massachusetts St. Even Bob Dole will be smoking Camel menthols and drinkin' Boulevard, as this one will be a shocker.
NORTH CAROLINA -3 vs. North Carolina St.: Butch Davis ranks just behind Barry Bonds, Tiger Woods, and Tony Parker in our official HC&P Cheater Power Rankings (hear that Clinton, you're now down to #5 buddy!). Meanwhile, his cross state rival the N.C. State Wolfpack, have got things done the right way this season with big wins over Florida State, Georgia Tech, Boston College, and Cincinnati. America hates cheaters, and loves Russel Wilson -- 68% of the pubic is on the Wolfpack. LPL LOVES CHEATERS -- IF THEY'RE WINNERS -- I'M ALL OVER THE TARHEELS -3. Aint no party like an Old Well party. MAKE PETER GAMMONS PROUD CHAPEL HILL!
OREGON ST. +3 vs. USC: Oregon St. got beat by 17 points against Washington State last weekend. Do you know bad you have to be to get beat by 17 POINTS AT WASHINGTON STATE? In comes America's team led by my favorite coach, Lane Kiffin. Washington St. doesn't have a chance says 85% of the American public. Hate to do this to you Lane, but i'm going with the Beavers +3! This one's for Brent Berry!
Until next week,
LPL
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